Creepy Old Man-style Quotes

By Evil Dr. Reef on Jan. 21, 2015
  • Jim: We know why you need therapy, Dean. It’s the same reason you’re on that sex offender site.
    Dean: They were asking for it.
    Jim: They were asking you to stop.
    Dean: I don’t know. It could have gone 50/50. I heard, “Please don’t,” and then “Stop.”
    Derek: Ahhh, I see. Punctuation was never your strong suit.
  • Derek: The exact wording was wrong because I wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying.
  • Dean: The only word that was in there was “armoire” and I knew that wasn’t it.
  • Derek: The Statue of Liberty is in New York.
    Dean: Not if we fly that bitch into space and strap her to a space colony.
  • {{Jim: I’m not sure I’m going to bother shipping anyone. Maybe Captain Mask and Klim Nick.
    {{Joe Mack: Yeah, I could see that. Hate turns to love as the battlefield turns red hot. Next time on Reconquista in G: Burning Love. Fly through to the truth, Gundam!
    {{Jim: THIS HAND OF MINE IS BURNING RED. WITH LOVE.
    {{Joe Mack: IT’S LOUD ROAR TELLS ME TO GRASP COCK!
    {{Jim: BURNING HANDJOB!
    {{Jim: Wait, ow.
    {{Joe Mack: LMAO!
  • {{Jim: You’re doing God’s work. Or maybe the exact opposite.
    {{GX: Could be either. I mean, he did make me in his image.
    {{Jim: True. But top scholars are debating whether or not God needs glasses, so we could all be in huge trouble.
  • Krysty: This is very much like an under-the-table fuck you.
    Jim: This will very quickly become an over-the-table fuck you.
  • {{Jim: That’s not a bad idea. It’s not a good one either. It’s actually a bad idea. I was wrong the first time
  • Super Dave: What’s happening?
    Derek: We’re playing a four player game that you can’t play because we don’t like you.
    Super Dave: Oh, okay.
  • Jim: I guess they won’t be doing that for 12 years.
    Dean: By then I’ll be older. Or dead.
    Jim: Probably that one.
  • Jim: I’m gonna major in dick punching with a minor in secondary education.
    Joe Mack: So you can teach it to others.
    Marcus: Please. Everyone knows the technical term is kinetic castration.
  • Marcus: Mom’s always watching. She may look like an elderly man through the window, but she’ll get you.

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